MOST MOTHERS AND FATHERS WANT MORE TIME FOR THEM, BUT THEY FEEL GUILTY WHEN THEY GET IT

When we have children, our life changes completely. From our routine and lifestyle, to our way of thinking and the value we give to things, becoming mothers and fathers is a total transformation, in which now we dedicate most of our time to children.

Therefore, it is not uncommon for both fathers and mothers to want to have some time alone, however, according to a recent survey, Although most of us long for more time for us, many feel guilty when this finally happens.

The survey was conducted in the United States by the Birchbox company, to find out how much time people (with and without children) spent for themselves, and to understand what were the main obstacles or reasons why many of them did not spend enough time for their self-care

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In the report presented after completing the survey, the responses of those who had children stand out. For example, it was found that as expected, 71% of the parents surveyed replied that they wish they could have more time for them, either to do things of physical and personal care or just rest.

However, 39% of people with children responded that when they finally got time for them, they felt guilty, and 21% did not even try to have it because guilt prevented them. And it is that somehow, you still see wishing time for yourself, as something selfish, instead of understanding that it is something very necessary for everyone.

The pace of life when you have children

The results of this survey are not really surprising: all fathers and mothers at some point wish to have more time alone or for ourselves after we have children. It is simply something natural, because in addition to our role as responsible for our children, we are also individuals with their own needs.

But when we have children, they usually go to the background. Starting with the break, since our sleeping hours are drastically altered from the moment a baby comes into our lives, considerably reducing the amount of rest we have.

And if we talk about the daily routine, I ask you a question: Do you remember what you used to do before having children with so much free time? It took me a bit of work to remember that before being a mom I saw more of my friends or spent more time on things that I was passionate about and helped to relax after a long day at work, like reading or watching a movie.

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Now the concept of "free time" has virtually disappeared and I finish my days so exhausted that I can't see more than 10 or 15 minutes of a movie without falling asleep in front of the TV. And it is not surprising, because according to another study, mothers work 98 hours a week, approximately two full-time workdays!

Trying to find time for us often means having to stay up late, but in the case of mothers, when we do we continue doing other things at home, because the eternal mental burden we carry seems to have no end. In summary, being parents absorbs most of our time and little leaves us to do things for ourselves.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty for having time alone

It is true that now our children are a priority, however this does not mean that we should forget even ourselves. Spend time alone to rest or do things we like, It is something necessary for our physical and emotional well-being.

So why do we feel guilty? From my point of view, it is because we have the belief that fathers and mothers should dedicate ourselves completely to our children, and many times the desire to want to be alone as something selfish is misunderstood or as if the children were not so important.

In Babies and more, why shouldn't we feel guilty of wanting time alone for ourselves?

However, I think that belief could not be further from reality. And is that wishing time alone is not only something that benefits us, but it is also good for our children, because our emotional state is something that ends up impacting them.

For example, what happens if mom or dad are exhausted and don't give themselves a break? The atmosphere at home becomes tense, living together may not be cheerful and in the end, those who end up absorbing all that are children. Instead, if parents are fine, children will be too.

Basically, having time for ourselves, alone or as a couple, also helps us to be better parents, because we will feel more relaxed, optimistic and happy, and also, being less tense, we will be more patient and understanding with our children.

So mom and dad: don't let guilt stop you or prevent you from looking for those spaces to disconnect from the routine and have moments alone to do things they like and make happy. Remember that while your children should always be a priority, you should also be your own.

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Via | Scary Mommy