In an ideal world, all relationships would be based on respect, love and trust, and families would remain united within a healthy dynamic in which all its members could have full development. However, this is not always the case, and sometimes, families separate.
But the fact that a couple has separated should not influence the relationship between father or mother and children. I share you seven reasons why we shouldn't talk badly about the former partner with our children.
The reasons why a couple with or without children decide to separate can be very diverse. If the separation was painful or problematic, it can be difficult to maintain a good relationship, but we must remember that the most important thing in any separation is the children.
Of course, each experience is different, and there will be very specific exceptions, such as in cases of violence, abuse or abuse, where we must address the issue very carefully when talking with children and probably the advice I share today is not the best or appropriate for the situation.
In Babies and more Condemned for speaking ill of his father to his son, painful separations where children are the victims But talking badly about the former couple with the children is something we should avoid doing at all costs. I share seven reasons why we should not do it, as well as a little of my experience in living this situation.
Seven reasons why we should not speak ill of the other father or mother to our children
Because it is confusing for children. Many times in a moment of anguish or courage we can say something that comes from our emotions and that can be difficult for children to interpret. Depending on their age, they may not understand what is happening, and get a misconception of the situation.
Because it's a matter of two. What has happened for the separation to occur, is something that must remain only between the former couple. If the children are older and can understand it, we can explain, but it is not necessary to delve into details that may be complex or painful for them. If you need to let off steam, do it with a psychologist or a trusted friendship, not with your children.
Because they are different relationships. As separate parents, it is important to always keep the following in mind: one thing is the relationship between the couple and another one of father / mother and children. The fact that between both parents things have not worked, does not mean that they should affect or contaminate the relationship that each father or mother will have with their children. They are independent relationships, and we must respect that.
Because the emotional well-being of your children is first. I have said it at the beginning and I repeat it: in a separation the most important are the children, and in this comes their well-being, both physical and emotional. If we talk badly about the former partner, we could make them feel compelled to take a side, making them feel insecure, sad and confused.
Out of respect. It is a very simple rule: for education and respect. Remember that we as parents are the example for our children. If we want them to be respectful of others, we must also be respectful of the former partner, even if the other person does not.
Because nothing is written in stone. Even if the separation decision was final, people can change. The fact of that in the past they had a bad experience does not mean that things remain the same in the future. In addition, life goes around a lot, and you never know when you or your children will need the other parent.
Because it will always be your mother or father. We can divorce our partner, but never our children. It has been a friendly or complicated separation, your ex partner will always be "dad" or "mom" of your children, and they will continue to share parenting together for some years. Therefore, it will always be better to try to lead a cordial and friendly relationship.
My experience as a daughter of separated parents
When I was a teenager, after many years of discussions and differences, my parents finally made the decision to separate. On the one hand, I felt relieved because it seemed that we would finally have some calm at home, but their relationship was so bad that they fell into this error: talk badly about each other with me and my sister.
As a daughter, it is painful to see your parents separate, so having to be in the middle of comments coming from resentment or anger, just made things even worse. I don't judge my parents because I know their intention was not to make us feel bad, but they allowed their feelings to overcome prudence.
In Babies and more What is parental alienation syndrome and how does it affect children?Because of this, during the rest of my adolescence and the first years of my adult life, I had a very bad relationship with both. I was bad that they could not understand the damage they did to me and my sister when they spoke ill of each other, which caused me to distance myself emotionally from both.
Just five years ago I was able to repair the relationship with both of them, and although I love them as a daughter, but I would have liked them to stop for a moment to think before speaking badly about each other in front of us.
Fortunately, I think that from all experience we can have a positive or useful lesson, and for me, now that due to life circumstances I am also a divorced mother, it is this that I share today: not to speak badly of the ex-partner with our children and to put their tranquility and emotional well-being before their own.
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