There are more open children and more ardent children, shy or distrustful. With family gatherings this "problem" increases and parents may feel pressured or ashamed if their child is one of the least sociable. I want to reassure them, remind them that not all children are equal and that, at times, children are put in overwhelming situations that only serve to increase their bad mood.
Family parties should not be a nightmare
Our baby is surely used to being with us, with their caregivers or with close family members. He will trust them and, also depending on his character, will show affection and rapport.
But strangers arrive, even if they are from the family, and they insist on taking it in their arms, making noise and carantoñas, separating it from the security we offer them. Jaleo, changed schedules and different ways of treating it will baffle him.
And then, yes the child is reserved, come the comments, or to the parents or directly to the child with qualifiers that I consider insulting: you are an unfriendly, nobody will love you, and worse. If the parents carry it in their arms or do not let it cry, they prepare the heavy artillery and turn the Christmas family meals into a summary nightmare trial.
Respect the distance
Whether you are a more serious and reserved person and will always remain so or if it is a phase of your emotional growth, you have to respect them and help them be respected. Neither aggressive comments nor bad manners, but if he firmly puts limits on adults, not letting him be taken from us, make him angry or keep him in his arms if the little boy cries. And of course not force them or force them to something they don't want to do like kissing or going arm in arm.
I respect distance with young children, even with my little nephew, I don't expect him to cheat on me after seeing me or saying goodbye with a kiss. He will do what seems best to him and only, respecting him, I will be able to see how little by little he assimilates the norms of courtesy and greeting, without even then considering him obliged to bend to my desires.
When they are the children of my friends, there is everything. Little whirlpools, children who start playing with everyone and others reserved that neither speak to you nor will they let themselves be caught without knowing and appreciating you. I greet you, introduce myself, smile and don't touch you. I let the relationship flow, as I do with an adult they introduce me to. I do not force friendship because friendship is free and based on mutual respect regardless of the age of the people who are related.
The metomentode
It also happens on the street, and that is something that really causes me rejection, even if it is done with good intention. People touch children and talk to them inconsiderately, even they say very unfriendly things Without mediating presentation.
I also don't like a stranger to approach me on the street, judge me or wait for me to let myself be kissed. Well, there are children to whom that does not make any grace either and, the truth, I think it is great that they are ariscos if they feel that they mess with them invade your privacy.
There are many examples, with the neighbors or in the supermarket queue, of unknown people That tells them they can't do something or make fun of them. Or they want to be kissed. The truth is that it seems disrespectful to me and I hope that children are treated with tenderness, but not with disregard.
If we are negotiating with them for something they want to buy or if they have a tantrum there are those who cannot stand the urge and go, without invitation from us, to tell them how bad it is or that the Magi will not come they seem to watch the children to punish them later. To those I answer that all children are good.
That does not prevent consider it essential to teach children to not respond with rudeness, but to mark distance with education and also, as they grow, to explain and show the norms of relationship between people: greet, respond with empathy and not be crushed.
I like arisco children
I don't think they are ariscos or impolite if they don't respond with a smile if someone speaks to them badly. Nor is it good for the child or others or us to describe him as unfriendly, or even shy. The labels are marked and leave a mark. The child who is told that he is shy, even with good intention to justify it, we make him believe that in part of himself and he will end up believing it. No tags with people, whatever their age, please.
There are ways to make an arisco child open and feel comfortable. With respect, approach the people of the family with whom you do not have confidence, ask them not to throw themselves on him and to speak to him with kindness. Play all together, so you have more confidence.
The love of these children is especially appreciable, is earned, is sincere and is natural. But it must be grounded in time and mutual trust, not imposed or stolen. I like arisco children, who love you because they really like you and dare to turn their backs on those who don't treat them well.
