Surely on more than one occasion you have heard a well-known phrase that says “it is necessary an entire tribe to educate a child ”, which comes to say that the best way for a child to develop is to spend time with his parents, grandparents, friends, other children and, in general, with responsible people I take care of that child and all the children at different times.
It takes an entire tribe but the majority of fathers and mothers do not have it, but we are immersed in the raising of one, two, three children or more by ourselves, without the support of others, coming to explode on more than one occasion and clashing again and again with reality: besides me, I need a tribe to raise my children, but all I have is a mother ... or vice versa, mom hopes to have an entire tribe giving her support, and yet she only has me, that i'm just a father.
How should that tribe be
The SAR says that a tribe is "each of the groups into which some ancient peoples were divided" or a "primitive social group of the same origin, real or supposed, whose members usually have common uses and customs." The second definition would be the most correct if we speak in terms of education and upbringing because the members of the tribe have in common a way of being or living.
When I imagine a tribe that educates children I think of a town where adults work and are distributed in different areas and where children are free to play and explore, but always with the relative vigilance of adults who are closer to them at that time.
At that time an adult cannot think “I know they do something wrong, but they are not my children, so I will not tell them anything”, but they have a moral obligation to teach and educate them, so that children are not only educated by their parents, but also for all responsible adults who make up the tribe, in addition to all the older and responsible children who accompany them. In that way everyone grows up to one and children can be educated and raised according to the customs of the entire town.
Sounds great, but in our current reality it is far from applicable (at least in my environment). Already the word "tribe" takes us away from the city, because here in cities the word "tribe" usually precedes the word "urban" and then acquires a much less recommended meaning for a child.
Here we can usually count on grandparents, but its function is usually more to replace than to complement, because they appear to take care of our children when parents can't. Many grandparents, on the other hand, do not even perform that function because, now that they rest from having educated us, they decide to dedicate their free time to other things (many children, in fact, we do not even have them because we believe they have the right to choose) and Brothers and friends, well, you know, everyone has their job, their flat, their partner, their family and their problems.
When the tribe is dad or mom
Then we were alone in the face of danger dad, mom and children. As a general rule everything goes out, the problems are solved. The children are growing, they are more or less educating (if you have more children every time you have less time for it) and the great moments are intermingled with other more stressful moments.
Namely, if one cries, if two cries, yes the three cry, the house to do, errands, the purchase, one that gets bad, the other that goes to school and there are four daily trips from Monday to Friday, a total of 20 trips to the school per week, then one that wants to do sports and, as he is older, he makes up matches, adding four more trips but to another place because there are training and matches, what you have to pay for, what you have to take before Friday, remember that you have to buy fruit, not It remains, go that the toilets do not smell badly, uncle, to see if you clean them, that children always miss something outside, there is an iron for days, your mother has called me to see if you can get close that the fault fails TV, take a little while for the boy with my back in dust, tell me that it seems he doesn't want a tit anymore and you know that in my arms I don't know how to sleep, put them on pajamas, it's cold and they are naked I don't know how long, dinner, I think they want snacks, although the little one could make u na soup, etc.
Anyway, what I'm going to tell you that you don't know now, is the day to day we do with that smile of who, despite everything, is happy. However, there are times when one of the members of the couple reaches the limit and expect the other to behave like that tribe that needs so much And as I said, I'm just a father.
I barely have time to shave, so now I only do it once a week and I don't even use foam ... I shave in the shower, while I take a shower with my children, with a toy mirror that they have long ago (God, what a confession more unfortunate), in the morning I don't even have time to wash my face and I go out the door with the house made a semi-disaster, having to pick up what is left with the other in my arms or hanging, when what the child wants is precisely be calm (that is, everything happens crying).
All this makes her demand that I do more, because it doesn't come, and that I asked him to do more, because I didn't arrive, that she complains about how I do things and that I complain because I don't know how to do them better, that she tells me that she needs more help and that I tell her to let me know the day she sees me sitting on the couch without doing anything, that she expects me to be her tribe and that I expect her to be mine, but I am only a father and she is only a mother, which is not small in any case, but that together we are far from being an entire tribe, one of those in which children have so much freedom that they can be raised and educated by all.
