We talked a few days ago about how we can deal with communication and personal empowerment strategies the criticisms that the family makes to our way of raising . We have already seen how empathy and having good information are a first way to try to solve these conflicts.
But if this does not work, and does not always work, we must start thinking about how to maintain our independence as parents and adults that we are avoiding as many dislikes as possible and above all, protecting our children from comments, customs or stereotypes. that can damage your self-esteem or our own.
Although the family does not understand it, we must always keep one thing in mind: parents are the main guarantors of the well-being of our children and it is their well-being that is the first thing we must always take into account. Even if another family member is offended or upset, our obligation is towards our children.
The second strategy: set limits, bolt does not enter the confrontation
The second strategy It is that of empowerment: set limits but don't enter the confrontation. If our way of raising children is diametrically different from what is customary in the family or our social circle, it is possible that the first or worse strategy may not help us, that it only serves to increase hostility and malicious comments or attacks
These will be born of cognitive dissonance and the feeling that, by acting differently, you are attacking their way of acting or seeing the world even if you never look for a fight. And that is essential, do not fall into the confrontation, do not get angry with the criticism no matter how ugly they sound, do not fight. This is not a battle to see who wins.
At one point, the reasons are not argued or informed, as it will be clear that they will not listen to us. It's time to empower yourself completely and expose your limits to adults who don't have them.
You have the right to say what you think is acceptable in the treatment and what is not, and above all, to be lions that defend their young, which, after all, is before those who are really going to have to answer in the end.
Obviously that will not happen regularly. Families that respect their members and love them are able to accept the difference without looking for more fights, but if you have a very tax and hierarchical family member or an envious person with self-esteem problems, there are, the smart thing is not to enter confrontation.
The correct is be assertive and set the limits clearly if they invade your privacy or treat you contemptuously. They are your children and the decision about their upbringing is yours. You will listen to the opinions you requested and it is already obvious that yours does not interest you or you like how they treat you. Report it for sure.
The children are educated by those who bring them into the world. They already educated or educate or educate their own children and no one will have to decide on that. Make it clear together. When you show yourself as adults who decide on their lives they will return to their place, but if you leave room for discussion or insecurity, you will leave a gap that can never be closed.
The third strategy: the absent smile
The third strategy is that of the absent smile. It works great. Faced with criticism, smile with a face that you do not listen and say "yes, yes, yes" with a tone not too attentive. And then keep doing things at home and in front of them as you think. Of course, with the silly smile but self-sufficient, giving the value deserved by the pullas and unpleasant words.
Do not tell anything more than necessary, do not talk about your upbringing and stop giving explanations of any kind or continue the conversation. While you are still with your three-year-old son on the tit… talk about Beckham's withdrawal or the end of the Mayan world that didn't come.
In the end, they get bored if you don't give them a court. You'll see Two don't fight if one doesn't want to. It is logical that you will sometimes get fed up and jump, but the greater your serenity and be clear that the opinion they have does not affect you or influence you, the better.
And if nothing works, if that family member does not deserve that neither you nor your son deal with him too much, perhaps there is no other choice but to be distant and see him less than you would if you felt happy in his company. Empowered of ourselves.
After all, the family didn't choose it, it comes to us, and we don't deserve to be treated badly by anyone. I hope you are three strategies will be useful if the family criticizes how you raise your children.
