Dr. Estivill, a pediatrician specializing in sleep medicine, declared a few months ago at a conference on educational methods that "Colecho makes children more insecure and parents more unstable."
It is not the first time that Estivill's statements raise blisters among parents who defend parenting with attachment and declare ourselves contrary to their famous method of teaching babies to sleep.
According to Estivill, applying your sleeping method makes children safer
Yes, according to Estivill's words, the sleeping with our children makes them insecureIt is understood that applying their method and letting them cry until they fall asleep will create strong and self-confident children.
And to me logic (and experience), they tell me otherwise.
Although Estivill always repeats that the opinions of the parenting forums do not interest her because they are not scientific, I think she should stop to listen to them from time to time.
My three children have been with us; each in their own way and for as long as they have deemed appropriate, but all three have slept close to their parents. And believe me, Mr. Estivill, that that has always given them security and emotional stability.
My oldest son was a very restless baby in bed, one of those who go round, put your feet in your mouth and use your back as a pillow. Sleeping with him greatly hindered our rest, but my child was happy with us.
He liked to shake my hand in the middle of the night, he calmed down with a caress or a whisper and his happiness was maximum when he woke up in the morning and saw us by his side.
In my mind did not enter break that happiness and need for contact and honey we all need (and how much more a young child!) to "teach" something that would end up learning naturally over time.
So we chose to find a solution in which we would all benefit, and we placed a bed for my child next to our bed. We started to sleep better and my little boy continued to have mom and dad next to him.
We were never in a hurry to foster their independence, although there were many voices in our environment (perhaps influenced by the famous "Fall asleep, child") who criticized our way of sleeping.
Because it is already known, when one becomes a mother, the ban is opened for anyone to criticize, think and get into the couple's bed. But that is another matter.
When my son turned three he decided that the time had come to seek independence, and he left. Yes, Estivill, I don't fool you: He decided to start sleeping in a separate room of his own free will.
When I was three years old, my son - that insecure child who expresses in his talks that he has slept with his parents - flaunted a maturity and self-confidence that many adults already wanted for themselves.The story was repeated with my second daughter and now, with the third, we continue to collect without any hurry to end this stage that, we know from experience, that not only will end but also miss.
On the other hand, “Colecho creates dependent and insecure children”
In addition to highlighting that Colecho makes children more insecure, Estivill has stated that they also become more dependent and his most "unstable" parents
“Sentences like this go against all logic when we talk about human sciences: insecure children and unstable parents will arise due to a set of circumstances, never because of an isolated and concrete fact such as colecho” - states the psychotherapist and family advisor, Elena Frisuelos , specialized in psychosomatic medicine.
"And parents do not become unstable to collect. The emotional instability that a father or mother may feel at any given time, is due to their own personal or foster history lived before having a child, but not the fact of sleeping with them"
A child, whatever his age, you need to know that your parents will always be there; Either because he is afraid of the dark, he has suffered a nightmare or some concrete situation causes him anguish.
That is the role of some parents: to be, accompany and help, and not to silence our most primary instincts by attending to the words of a manual.
On the other hand, and as I said above, common sense makes me think that a child's insecurity and dependence are more likely to arise if he does not find in his parents the figure of support and emotional support that he seeks at each stage of his life, which on the contrary.
So, if you still doubt about whether sleeping next to your children can negatively affect your emotional development, you just have to listen to your own instinct. The one that never fails and will tell you what your baby really needs: crying or being accompanied?“The evidence and studies on parenting with attachment show that schooling makes children's independence more likely, strengthens their own decision-making and encourages the creation of a secure attachment with parents, which is key to the formation of self-esteem ”- Elena sentence.
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