The maternity (especially if it is recent) is wonderful, but also hard, tired and sometimes so absorbent that we get lost in some way in it. But the self esteem It feeds on what we do, what we think, we cannot put it aside because then it will take its toll. Being a mother leaves little free time, I know, but still you have to love and pamper yourself. I tell you how.
Mom, but also person
You are mommy, although you still do not know very well how “it works” this wonderful little being that you have at home that cries so much and makes so much poop, but you are also (you were and will be) a person. You have your tastes, your needs, your hobbies ... and we must keep them.
If there is something that psychologists know, it is that self-esteem (and mood) is sustained, fed, by what we do for ourselves, what we take care of ourselves. I always explain it to my patients in the same way: How do you show your children that you love them? Telling him, of course, but above all showing it to him: pampering them, taking care of them, giving them what they want and need, hugging them ... Well, that's what we have to do with us: that's work self esteem.
Let's see some things we can do so that this first stage of motherhood does not take our toll and we continue with a great self-esteem.
Quarantine the advice that others give you
There is nothing you like more than to comment on the babies (and care) of others and sometimes people are a bit ... let's say "inappropriate" with your comments. If you "buy" everything they tell you, if you assume that those comments are all right, you will end up feeling like a mother's mess and your self-esteem will suffer a lot.
What can we do? It is not about ignoring right and left, or confronting each person, among other things because this would be almost impossible and would cause us enormous emotional wear. The mantra: "hear, value and store or discard."
- Don't take it personally: people, with more or less good intention, talk and talk, and not necessarily our speech has "second intentions." With the issue of babies, this is that it is irresistible, apparently, so do not think that your motherhood is being questioned: it is a national sport.
- Who has given you "the advice"? Is he a trustworthy person, someone you appreciate and value his opinion, or a stranger or "simply close" person?
- And, in the case that it is someone important: really he is absolutely right in everything and you are wrong?
- Is there anything to help you with the advice? Use it. The rest ... in the trash.
Sleep ... when you can
And speaking of advice ... one of the tips we hear most recent mothers is the famous "take advantage and sleep when the baby sleeps." Ole, as if that were possible, as if our brain had an "off button" or if in life we had nothing else to do ...
No, this advice is not one of the best, but ... but you have to sleep. Lack of sleep affects the mood, how we process and face everyday life, so even though this is a stage of little rest, there must be something.
Let's make a Priority list, even if it is mental, of things that we do or do have to do on a day-to-day basis ... and of those others that we can delegate, what others can and should do and who we can ask for help in case we need it. The house, the purchase, making the bed or watering the plants are things that we do not have to do ourselves, do not overload ourselves and use that time to rest better, what good fault we do.
Do things for yourself: pamper yourself
What I usually recommend in consultation is, at least, fifteen minutes a day dedicated to us. If you think about it, it's not so much, it's something we can get, right?
But to be able to do it, for us to really get that little bit out, we need to have it planned, if not the day-to-day, the maelstrom baby-life, will eat us and in the end the days will pass without we having done anything.
Advice: Make a list of those things, tiny and affordable given your current situation, which you like, that make you feel good and that you can do at home in this little time we have. The more things you write down, the better, the more we will have where to throw for the coming weeks.
Make a schedule (roughly) and write down what you are going to do each day and at what time. Find what you need for these activities, so that the time comes, do not miss anything and take advantage of the whole minute. If we have it written down, if we know that tomorrow at half past eight it is our little time and that at that time what we are going to do is, I don't know, let's say, for example, “do macramé” or do the pedicure, it is much more likely that let's do that if we simply launch the desire to "Oh, tomorrow I will do something".
Your body has changed, but ...
But it is not the end of the world. Except for complicated medical situations, in which obviously a professional must attend us, we talk about changes such as weight gain, sagging chest, stretch marks, right? Yes, our body is not the same, but it is ours and still great.
Don't avoid the mirror: This is your body, and avoiding looking at it will only increase rejection. I propose an exercise: one day, calmly, after a relaxed shower (sponsored by the coverage of dad or grandparents), put yourself in front of the mirror. But instead of looking at what has changed for the worse, look at what you like, or what you see from a certain posture still seems pretty.
While doing so, reflect on what you say when you look in the mirror: are you being kind to yourself or cruel? Would you say those things to a friend who is in your situation?
Think: Why has your body changed? Because you've been pregnant, because you're breastfeeding ... isn't that a good reason for change? When we put things in context and we don't just criticize everything changes.
And yes, there are things that surely you want to change... Then go ahead: do a planning (rational, nothing to set goals unattainable), agree on the times you need with your partner, and as soon as you can ... go for it!
You are great (even if you don't remember)
With the lack of sleep and the trajín that implies motherhood it is very possible that you have forgotten until the face that you have, among other things because it has not given you time nor to look at you in the mirror in these weeks, right? But you have face, and smile and surely a lot of great qualities ... that we must remember and keep in mind. How? Take paper and pencil (or pen, and so we make it more permanent):
Write down your qualities, what you like (even a little) about you. To help you make this list I leave you some categories: physical (smile, hair, eyes, teeth, culete ...), personality (extroverted, kind, introverted -and you love-, sociable, respectful ...), deal with others, functioning mental (intelligent, decisive ...), and everything you can think of.
It also includes those things that you are good at, that when you do "you like" them. Give pamper to this list, and if you don't get to the first one, nothing happens: have the paper at hand and complete it as things happen to you.
When you have your list we will put it into practice: Read it in the morning, remember what you are good at and what you are great at, feel great. In addition, we will try to put into practice what we have noted: if our smile is something that we like about ourselves, then when going down the street ... to smile!
Having a baby takes us a lot of time, but we need to be fine to take good care of him, to set the example we want, right? Let's start by loving ourselves, by getting great, which is important. Beware.
Photos: Pixabay.com
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