"Why doesn't my son obey?" It is one of the questions that many parents ask ourselves. Our responsibility is to educate and guide them, however sometimes it seems that everything we say comes in through one ear and out through the other. We come to think that they are not interested in paying attention to us and prefer to challenge us or ignore us on purpose.
But it turns out that the reality is that those of us who are in error are us and not them, since a recent survey showed that we expect too much from our children.
Zero to three is a non-profit organization that seeks to inform and support professionals and parents to help children have a full childhood. Recently he conducted a survey of fathers and mothers in the United States, involving a total of 2,200 parents of children from newborns to five years.
One of the topics that the survey included in the 50 questions that were asked to parents, was the regulation of emotions by the children. One of the discoveries that was found was that half of the parents surveyed believe that their children are able to control themselves and master other developmental skills long before when it actually happens.
Among the results about self-control and emotion regulation it was found that:
- 56% of parents believe that their children are able to control their impulses and resist the desire to do something forbidden before 3 years. Of that group, 36% think that children under 2 are able to exercise this self-control. However, the survey reveals that this ability begins to appear between 3.5 years and 4 years, and requires many more years to master it.
- 24% of parents think that children are able to control their emotions, such as avoiding a tantrum when they feel frustrated, having a year of age or less. 42% of parents think that children have this ability at 2 years. Actually, emotion control is just beginning to develop between 3.5 and 4 years.
Another point that the survey touched on the things we expect too soon from our children is the act of sharing and waiting for their turn. It was found that 43% of parents believe that children are able to learn to share before 2 years, when in fact this ability also develops between 3.5 and 4 years.
These results show us that as parents, sometimes we forget that our children are constantly learning and the regulation of emotions appears long after what we think.
I start thinking about why we get ahead and expect them to behave as adults, and I think that maybe it's the fact that we see them grow so fast in front of our eyes. By becoming increasingly independent and needing less when they learn to walk or talk, we think that when they reach these points of their development they will automatically know how they should act.
Remember to be more patient and less demanding with our children, not because we will allow them to do what they want, but because for everything there is a stage and each child develops at their own pace.
