Sometimes, parents tend to downplay the failures of our children to avoid feeling bad, without realizing that it is counterproductive for them. Overprotection of failure does not help them at all; Unlike, leads directly to failure in the future.
According to a recent study, people who do not face their failures tend to make excuses for their mistakes, without striving to improve. Instead, the emotional response to failure, focusing on emotions after a failure and reflecting on them, leads them to try harder the next time they try.
"It is usually advised not to stop at mistakes, so that the person does not feel bad," said the study co-author. Selin Malkocfrom Ohio State University. "But when people focus on how bad they feel and how they don't want to experience these feelings again, they are more likely to try harder next time."
"When asked to think about their mistakes, most people focus on protecting their ego, said Malkoc. They think that failure was not their fault."
"If your thoughts focus on how to distance yourself from failure, you will not learn from your mistakes"Help your child cope with failure
Obviously, it hurts parents to see our children fail because we see them suffer. It's something that can hurt them and make them feel bad, that's why we tend to overprotect them by downplaying failure.
As parents, we should make them feel that we are always there to support them, whether they do it right or wrong. Teach them to identify their emotions in the face of failure, to make them express the rage that a party loses, to cry because something has not gone as expected or to be told what they feel about this or that disappointment, will allow them to reflect on their feelings and want to do better next time.
Our accompaniment and love is key to that they always feel loved and protected, no matter what the results are.
Do not praise their achievements, but the effort
If we go after our children praising exaggeratedly everything they do well, telling them how fantastic they do everything, the child will end up depending on our approval for all his acts, and that is not good.
The child will grow up constantly looking for the reaction of others and when they don't praise him, he will feel lost and frustrated, believing that the affection of his parents and other people goes through the praises that they utter.
The achievements are circumstantial. We do not want perfect children, but children who are wrong and learn from their mistakes. It does not mean that we go to the other extreme and do not praise them when they do something right. In their fair measure, praise is a way of showing that we value them, help improve their self-esteem and reinforce their personality.
But it is important unlink the effort of achievement itself. Reinforcing the former will encourage them to want to do better, regardless of the outcome. Today the culture of immediacy makes us want fast and successful results, but giving value to the effort and willpower will help them grow more balanced, and it will be a positive learning for the rest of your life.
