To be optimistic is not only to see the glass half full, it is to be able to adopt a positive approach that allows us to feel capable of doing what we have set out, or to face that other one that has put our lives ahead. Optimism has a lot to do with self-esteem, and if there is something we want for our children it is positive self-esteem. But, How do you educate in optimism without falling into naivety or an "unrealistic positivism"?
Pessimism and optimism are nothing more than thinking styles or trends: The first is to believe that things (almost) will always tend to go wrong, to think that we will not be able to deal with the situation.
The second, the optimism, which is what interests us most, is not limited to believing with certain naivety that things are going to go well or that life is rosy, it is more than that: it is to feel with some control over the situation, to think that We have the necessary tools to deal with whatever comes, or believe that, if we don't have them, we can find them.
Optimism has a patina of very healthy self-esteem, it is a way to elaborate thoughts in a way that favors (as far as possible) that things go well. Do you know how?
It is a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy: If I feel unable to do something, if I truly believe that it will go wrong… what do you think could happen? Well, we are not going to put all the meat in the grill, nor are we going to look for solutions in the most effective way: what is going to happen is that we will give up before and then ... well, the thing will not come out, and we will see our hypothesis. And so we enter a loop, in a spiral, which is nothing positive.
Hence the importance of our children (and of course we too) have a positive view of both their capabilities and the possibilities of solving the different challenges that arise.
How do you learn to be optimistic? Optimism and pessimism are learned both from the experiences of success and "failure" that children face and through interaction with us, parents.
Why is optimism worth working with our children?
Optimism has very important implications for well-being, as many studies point out today. To get an idea:
- Optimism correlates with better mental and physical health, with being able to handle certain situations more efficiently, with the quality of life, the ability to adapt, with leading a healthy lifestyle and even with the perception of risk (that which leads us to develop behaviors that are dangerous or not).
There are few aspects on which it exerts a positive influence, right? Well let's go to it.
How to educate on optimism?
As always, as with almost everything with children, the first point is that daddies are aware that we are their models, that they learn from us. For them to learn optimism we must start by observing ourselves and seeing what messages do we launch In day to day. Pretend that our son is optimistic if we spend our lives saying "I knew I wasn't going out, I always have bad luck" Maybe it's a bit complicated, don't you think?
What is said and how is it said? Listen to what your son says and try to give him a less negative and more realistic spin. Mind you, it's not about entering a world of rainbows and unicorns, but about reworking those thoughts and changing them for more adaptive, more useful ones.
I give you an example: “Pepito doesn't play with me because I'm bored” It is a thought that does a lot of damage, which can end up inhibiting our child's interactions in the future ... We are going to question that thought with him: “But… there are children who do want to play with you, isn't it? And how do you have fun playing? So you're not bored, maybe Pepito just doesn't want to play with you because he has other tastes… We can't like everyone, right? ” Also following this example, it would be positive to help you look for examples in which it is clear that "it is not boring."
Once a day, for example when you put him in the bed just before the story, review with him / her, ask him, for the things he liked about the day, for the good thing that happened and what role it has had in which they happened. To do this, adapt the language and questions to the age of your child, of course.
When something does not go well, or as expected, accompany him in that process: learn that things don't always work out It helps them to have a tighter perception of their abilities, preventing them from thinking that they have not left because “they have not known how to do it”. In life things do not always go as we expected or as we would like, and nothing happens, but we can always learn from the situation.
Help him find the good or positive or humorous even from seemingly negative situations: “Has our favorite toy been broken? Well, we are going to try to fix it together and so we learn to assemble and disassemble things, as if we were mechanics or scientists in a laboratory! ”
Reinforce (and teach him to reinforce himself) for the things he does that he considers positive, that make him feel good and competent.
Deep down this of educate in optimism It is to work with them to ensure that they have a good self-esteem, one adjusted to their reality, that allows them to feel valuable and capable, that puts them in a position from which they are not afraid to "try to do." The positive self-esteem It is the master key that opens many doors, many, so it is worth addressing it from every possible angle, especially on our part, that of the parents.
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