It is surprising the number of women who experience some type of psychological disorder or even depression after childbirth and there are many who, with the distance given by time, recognize that they were wrong and get angry with themselves: "Why didn't I ask for help?".
There is no single answer to this question, but surely the enormous burden of judgment that women have and that multiplies when you become a mother has a lot of weight. In a very deep layer of our subconscious is anchored the idea that if you are not able to take care of your child and make all the sacrifices imaginable by him, You are not a good mother. So you shut up and hold on and don't ask for help.
No one prepares you for this
It is true that there is so much accessible information about postpartum that one can think that any mother knows what she faces when a baby is born. However, the truth is that, as much as you have read, it is not the same as living it in your own flesh. No one prepares you for how overwhelming it may be that a newborn is placed in your arms and sent home.
If those first months are so hard, Why don't we ask for help? This is the question asked by writer Jamila Rizvi after asking 32 influential Australian women how they lived their first weeks as mothers:
“Normally, we don't use the word sacrifice to describe the neonatal period, but it's exactly that. A mother sacrifices her bodily autonomy for not nine, but almost ten long months. A mother, in the following weeks and months, puts the needs of the other before her own, sacrificing her sense of self, her ambition and, all too often, her happiness. The overwhelming love a mother feels for her child can make those sacrifices worthwhile, but that does not make them insignificant. A sacrifice remains a sacrifice regardless of the positive aspects. And when we sacrifice we must have the right to cry; a privilege of which new mothers are expressly excluded ”.
Being a mother, the "natural"
Indeed, pregnancy, childbirth and parenting are biologically the most natural in the world, but not motherhood. Motherhood is something you learn, and you learn by hitting. You do the career, the practices and you start working on the same day: the one your first child is born, and on top of that, you are not even fresh and fresh: you arrive tired of the nine months of pregnancy, sore after delivery and with an emotional sway that Sometimes it doesn't even let you think clearly.
Therefore, the idea that a woman should know exactly what to do when her child is born is to put a lot of burden on instinct, which exists, yes, but it can be hidden behind many layers of excess information, fear and stress, and it does You need to spend some time and relax to show it.
Why did you have it?
This is one of the worst things that can be said to a mother and a real stab if we are talking about a newborn. As this author explains so well,
“We have reached the perverse point where being a mother who admits that she needs help is like saying that her son does not deserve sacrifice. Suffering has become a badge of honor that women wear in service to their family and that is shown publicly through the 'Filter of the Forsaken Mother' on Instagram. Paying for the care of the children is with type comments: "Well, why did you have them?" And when your children behave badly in public, it is a personal defect of the mother. "
More involvement of the environment
This message is addressed to moms who are having a bad time: you are not a bad mother because the situation overcomes you. It happens to many and it will end up happening. Take a walk without your baby, prepare something delicious to eat, go to the hairdresser, cry if you feel like it, talk to your partner, your friend, a psychologist ... but don't lock yourself thinking that you are unable to take care of your child because that is not so.
And this for family, friends ...: a woman who has just given birth and her baby are in a situation of vulnerability and must be protected. Many times she is not able to say what she wants or needs, That is why you have to be sensitive and get ahead of your needs: see if you need company (even if it is silent) or prefer to be alone with your baby, offer to take care of the newborn so she can rest, filter (and attend) to visits, taking care of food, home, taking care of other children (and that includes not being constantly asking how things are done or asking you to take care of the organization even if someone else does it later) and, above all, ABOUT EVERYTHING not to do comments like: this is so, what did you expect? Or the damn, and why have you had children? Postpartum can be much easier if we allow ourselves to ask for help.
Via The Guardian
In Babies and more "My body feels broken": the harsh reality of a mother's postpartum 48 hours after giving birth, A study reveals that one in five recent mothers conceals suffering from depression or postpartum anxiety
