Being a mom is not easy. Yes, it is beautiful, it fills you with thousands of sweet and emotional moments, it pushes you to be a better person and your children become a great motivator to have the strength to do almost anything. But it’s not an easy job and certainly it also has its dark or sad moments.
One of these moments, which you can only live by having children, is not being able to be present at key moments in your children's development: as their first steps or their first word. Therefore, Today I want to dedicate a few words to all the mothers who have lost their children's first times.
I also missed my daughter's first times
Before I start with the message I want to convey to you today, I want to tell you a little about my situation as a mother, and explain why this is a very special and sensitive issue for me. Today I am fortunate to work from home, but it was not always that way.
When my daughter was born, like millions of mothers, I had to return to work as soon as my maternity leave ended. It was one of the saddest and most devastating moments of my life, because although I knew that my daughter would be in good hands, it broke my heart away from her side being so small.
The months passed and the hours away from her seemed eternal. I felt guilty for abandoning her, but at that moment I had no choice, I needed that job. Naturally, I missed many valuable moments by his side, and that hurt me. But nothing hurt me so much, like the day I missed his first steps.
I remember it as if it were yesterday, and more than three years have passed. I I was sitting at my desk working, when I received on my mobile a video of my little girl at 11 months taking her first steps. And like Serena Williams, I cried for not being present at this time. Although I knew it was not up to me, I felt very sad and guilty.
Today I understand that sometimes there are sacrifices that as mothers we must make and we have no other choice. But precisely because I know how painful and difficult this can be, I have decided to dedicate a few words for those mothers who, like me, have lost their children's first times.
In Babies and more Mother's fault: free yourself from that burden once and for allDo not feel guilty: it is not always possible to be present
Something that reaches many of us with motherhood, in addition to all the physical, emotional changes and in our rhythm of life, is the famous and sometimes overwhelming guilt. It seems that mothers should always feel guilty about something: that if we work or not, that if we breastfeed or not, that if we do this or that. Guilt always accompanies us, but we should not allow it.
It's true: there are many situations that we would like to be different, but surely many of them do not depend on us, or their solution is not in our hands. Sometimes, working outside the home is the only option we have or do because we want to continue developing our professional side. Both situations are valid and we should not feel guilty about it.
Of course it hurts not to be present in the first times of our children, but we must accept that this is sometimes a fantasy. Being available and super attentive to absolutely all the first times of our children, it is not always possible. It is not even a realistic thought.
It's true that many of us dream of being, but there are dozens of situations that can make this not always true. From working away from home, to going out for a few minutes to do some pending such as going to the bank or a medical consultation while taking care of our children. Even being at home with them we could miss them by going to the bathroom or cooking while Dad is with the baby.
So with this I want to tell you something that I would have liked to hear at that moment: Do not feel guilty for not having been. This will not make you less mother, nor a bad mom. And I guarantee it won't be the only time you can see your baby learning to do something.
Also the second times are special ... and the third and fourth
When I missed the first steps of Lucia, a co-worker, who already had two children and had gone through something similar, told me something I will never forget: the 'first time' is when you watch her do it. I loved. And is that the value of those moments, is not only in if it is the first time that our children do it or not.
The true importance of those first times is in the joy of sharing those moments. As far as we know, our baby could well do something for the first time at a time when nobody was watching! What makes them really emotional is that feeling and celebration that is done in company.
Every moment we live next to our children is a moment that we should treasure, celebrate and remember. Day after day they learn new things and All are equally special before your eyes: He is discovering his abilities as he explores the world by your side!
So don't get so overwhelmed if you couldn't be present the first time your baby did something in front of someone, release that guilt and enjoy the second, third, fourth or fifth times: your baby will continue to perfect what he is learning to do and he will love having you there even if it is not the first time he does something.
Photos | In Babies and more | 19 moments in your child's life that you will want to keep and share, "I cried", the confession of Serena Williams with which we identify when we miss the first times of our children
