Parenting with attachment (attachment parenting) is a phrase coined by the American pediatrician William Sears. It is a parenting philosophy based on the principles of attachment theory.
According to attachment theory, babies establish a strong emotional bond with their parents, a precursor bond of security and empathy in personal relationships in adulthood. An inadequate establishment of a secure bond in childhood can lead to psychological difficulties.
Parenting with attachment, originally proposed by John Bowlby, states that the child has a tendency to seek closeness to another person and feels safe when that person is present and is sensitive to meeting both physical and emotional needs. Bowlby had proposed in 1951 the hypothesis that maternal deprivation not only caused depression in childhood, but also hostility and inability to establish healthy relationships in adulthood. Within this theory, children are biologically "designed" to be attached to their parents, not only to meet their needs but because they are deeply social beings. For parenting with attachment, there are eight fundamental principles that promote safe bonding between the parents and the child. Although none of these principles derive directly from the initial investigation, they are presented as parenting practices that give rise to a secure bond. Sensitive parents, consistent in their responses and emotionally available guarantee a healthy establishment of emotional bonding.
These parents try to understand the psychological needs of their children, in order not to make unrealistic expectations of child behavior. The discipline for this philosophy takes into account the child's age to avoid the frustration that occurs when things are expected beyond the child's ability. Discipline means guiding children, showing them the natural consequences of their actions, listening, modeling and discarding punitive means such as cheek or time out.
Dr. Sears argues that a baby is mentally unable to manipulate to get the attention of his parents.
Parenting with attachment does not mean that a child cannot meet his needs alone, he will be trained to do so as long as his parents are sensitive when they arise. These needs must be understood in time, how they arise, how they change, what their circumstances are. Parents should be flexible and devise ways to respond to them properly always in a loving and conciliatory climate. For example, the baby who asks to be in arms simply needs it and does not ask because “it is a tricky one”, if this need is satisfied, the baby will later feel safe when starting the crawling stage, he will not ask so much to be in arms, but other needs will arise according to their evolutionary stage.
Children who are raised with detachment will seek throughout their lives other ways to meet the needs, unfortunately leading to mental and social disorders.
