The socialization of children It is one of the most debated topics in our current society. This term, which means (in the field of children) to involve a child in society, or to bring society closer to it, really begins when it is born, with the family, with the neighbors, with television (tremendous socializing agent ), with other children in the park and on the street to later go on to occur without the family at school and other environments in which they have to win, lose, share, discuss, get angry, reconcile, defend themselves, etc.
It is precisely in the areas that involve separating children from the family environment in which the greatest debate takes place and is therefore of this type of socialization that I will talk about today (and when I talk about socialization I will be referring to the one that separates to a child of their parents to share time with their peers).
There is no hurry to start socialization
Socialization is a process that will arrive sooner or later which has been given an exaggerated value today, arguing even that it is something necessary (almost mandatory) at an early age, say from 12 months.
In the same way that the issue of time is trivialized, offering the solution called “quality time” in the absence of quantity, the benefactor vision of nurseries as an eminently socializing element has been generalized to the point of being seen as a necessary entity (let me know when the government stops creating nursery places to start lengthening maternity leave).
The upbringing of children falls to third parties today and a large percentage go to nursery schools or play centers. The system is set up like this, with a low motherly derision that forces a mother (or a father) to have to give up a large part of her maternal role to other people or entities.
In order to deprive parents of any feeling of guilt or discomfort, it was associated at some point in history (I do not know who did it or when) the contact with other children to progress in their socialization, and this early socialization It was defined as beneficial and necessary for its development and learning.
Thus, in addition to those couples who use day care centers by necessity, it is possible to find many parents who point their children of one year (or less, or more) to a nursery school because “you have to learn that it is not the center of the universe” , because "he needs to play with other children", so that he "becomes independent", because "there they are very scared" or because otherwise he will be "very dependent on his mother" (come on, pampered or enmeshed, in colloquial language).
The truth is children need the affection, contact and security that their mother provides them (In fact, we talk about the person with whom he is most linked, who is usually the mother, of course) to grow physically and emotionally stable, ideally, until at least 3-4 years.
This does not mean that you cannot begin to interact with other children before, that you can and will be, safe, enriching, but it is not strictly necessary and less if you have to separate from your mother to do so.
Children are self-centered because they must be.
Children are self-centered until, more or less, six years old. What sounds so negative (an egocentric adult is not well seen) is a necessary feature in children. They need to be like that, they need to feel the center of the universe and believe that everything belongs to them and that everything affects them to grow with high self-esteem and know themselves as much as they can. In other words, it is not advisable to "let go" of a child to meet other people if he still does not know himself and, to know himself, he must feel at the center of everything around him and see how he fits. In that environment.
To give an example, to pretend that a child socializes at an early age is to want a child to walk a hundred meters when he has just taken two steps. In short, it is asking him to know that there are more children, when he does not even know that he is a child.
Children do not begin to understand that they are people with a body that can interact with the environment and with others until 18 months. In the following video you can see an experiment with children that explains this:
From then on (from that stage in which they discover that they are people) a complex network of learning begins that has to lead them to know themselves as people.
This learning should come with the person who provides more emotional stability and in contact with the other father (or maternal) figure, since both serve as a model to learn from.
From 3-4 years the thing changes
By 3-4 years the language has expanded considerably with respect to previous ages, rabies accesses (tantrums) are becoming less frequent as control of their own emotions begins to mature and can express feelings in their own way of love, sadness, jealousy, envy, joy, curiosity and pride.
Thanks to these emotional capacities, his egocentric vision begins to expand to other realities as he begins to care for others (children are tremendously empathic, even crying if they see someone is crying and offer their most precious asset to comfort him).
This emotional maturation is what the child needs to begin to know other environments and learn that there are other children with similar concerns and desires and with the ability to interact with him in a different way from that of father and mother. Then, in the following video, you can see when children begin to develop their emotional bases:
This is the ideal time to start socialization, which should always be gradual and respecting the rhythms of the little ones. That is, we are not even saying that the school should start at the age of three or four, Ideally, at that age they begin to make contact with other children in the company of their mother (Although without prohibiting earlier contacts, obviously, as many are inevitable), it is the child who decides how far to separate and how far to go.
It is easy to understand why various European countries defend schooling from 6-7 years. Its objective is to try to make the socialization process precisely that, a process in time and not a "tomorrow begins to socialize, I leave it in the nursery."
Children under three years socialize little or nothing
If we stop to observe children under 3 years old, whether in the nursery, or in a park, we can observe that, generally, there is little interaction between them. By this I mean that a concept of erroneous socialization is defended. “In the nursery, everyone plays and they learn to play with each other” is a fallacy. Children play with each other, but not with others, and less on their own initiative. Let's see it explained again with a video:
The nursery school then becomes a resource (a great resource) for those who need it, however it is not necessary for the proper development of children since, as we have said, it is about 3-4 years when children They should start interacting with other children and always, for now, with the presence of parents.
Photos | Flickr - John Wilkinson, Mrs. W,
Videos | Excerpts from the Baby Human Documentary - Relate
In Babies and more | The sociability of babies: its meaning, quality time or quantity of time ?, Children have to share, if they want, do not like to share? Let's wait for it to grow
