If we want raise our children without resorting to whipping, screams or cheeks comes a time that we need advice, concrete tools and useful techniques to go to.
There is a first question that, if we ask it, will give us the key to control. We have learned to recognize the anger that usually precedes the cheek and the loss of self-control. Together with that we can start with something simple, that is, recognized anger, become aware to never give a scourge moved by anger, ever.
Never chew hot
Even those who defend the cheek on time do not usually hit it after a while, they come to it more than as an educational measure as an escape valve to their anger, fear of danger or shame for being observed at a time when the child behaves incorrectly according to the rules.
It is possible for everyone to do this exercise. The way to know if a cheek is worthwhile or is the best way to act on the behavior problem is do not give it hot. Let time, an hour or so, and then reflecting on the causes of the child's performance and those of our feelings and anger, decide if we give it by informing the child of what we are going to do and what we want to achieve with it.
AdvertisingSurely we will find that we are not able to do it after reflection and also explain to our son, without shouting or angry, that the cheek that we plan to give him has well-founded reasons. The cheek, when we're not hot, it doesn't come out anymore. Therefore, we will discover that the cheek is the result of anger, not a true desire to teach our son anything.
And surely then we will insist on not give it a whip carried by a loss of control, because it clashes with everything we want to teach them in a consistent way.
Children have as much right as adults to be treated with respect
Remember then that a child has as much right as any adult to be treated with respect It is important, but to be convinced of it is only the first step to learn to act in that way. Breeding without whipping is not at all impossible, but we must learn if our own experience as children and what we see in the environment does not respond to these concepts.
I would go further. With an adult we can even afford to lose control and come to disrespect. The other adult will have the emotional, verbal and intellectual elements to face what happened. And also the other adult has the possibility of defending or even stop dealing with us. In addition, the adult has had a training that does not depend totally and absolutely on our treatment and opinion to build his image of himself. And neither does it depend on us for everything materially.
With the child it is different. Our children depend on us to live, to survive and also to educate, receive behavioral models and learn to understand, love and respect themselves. That is why the way we treat them is especially important, vital to their development and makes us have a huge responsibility.
Techniques for day to day
Many times the explosion comes when the child cries, throws things on the floor, complains, becomes nervous or shouts asking for something. We tend to be tired and overwhelmed. To avoid it, identified the symptoms of anger, we can use some easy tricks to break the moment in which that rage rises in the throat. And they consist of breaking the situation, changing it, creating a new one in which we will not be angry.
Some day-to-day techniques that work They are a bit absurd but very effective: get to dance, throw ourselves on the floor to make the croquette rolling, take it in my arms and make a face or a smile, even sing, there are several simple possibilities that we can try to use to dominate the anger and give us some seconds of freedom Once this is done, the anger will have subsided and we can act otherwise.
Change the stage, calm down by a shower or a few breaths, hit a cushion, go to another room to hit there two shouts, ask the couple to take the reins of child care momentarily and leave a few minutes, are some very effective practices that break the moment in which anger dominates us and leave us enough air to face the situation again from another perspective.
Counting up to ten and screaming sinking our head on a pillow or on our own forearm are techniques that control anger and we can use whenever we feel that the physical symptoms of its progress are presented. Although it is something very simple its use is effective.
There are some techniques something more elaborate, available to everyone, that we can use in most day-to-day situations, adapting them to each case and each person. Before losing control and giving a cheek, a scourge or a scream, many things can be done that will make the moment of rage happen and can no longer dominate us. We will look at them in the following topics to offer you resources and practical tools to be able to learn to breed without whipping.
