We have been talking, within our Maternity and Paternity Course, about the challenge of raising and educating our children and we have tried to offer advice to better understand them. However, it is true that we have not talked about the previous step, how prepare to be parents.
The decision
The decision of motherhood and fatherhood, whether as a couple or alone, is perhaps the most important that we will take in our whole life. From that moment on, another defenseless person will depend on us and, on what we do and how, their health, happiness and ability to develop in all aspects will also depend.
It may happen that, in a couple, they are not both sure that it is time, or that one does not want children. If this is the situation, it is worth taking some time, delving into the reasons and once the decision is made that they are both responsible and committed. If we force the acceptance of our partner we may later repent, not receiving enough support.
If the positions they are totally found and one of them must give up something as important as fatherhood to keep the couple, maybe again you have to reflect a lot because of not having children desired by the desire of the other is something that will most likely come regret and pain. If there is no possible agreement perhaps it is better to resume life separately in some cases.
Once both decide to have a child we are not going to stay on the surface. Sometimes we reach parenthood without having thoroughly reflected and shared our ideas with the couple. The reasons for having a child should be born of a very deep desire to give life and love, not to have company, to fulfill a socially established life plan or to be taken care of by old men.
Sometimes I miss myself when some people decide to be parents. They do it because "it already plays". But they hardly consider what they feel or what they are going to do to educate that child. They spend more time choosing very cute cribs or a bigger new car than preparing their son's arrival in an emotional universe.
Health
Before putting "hands to work" to make the child it would be convenient to review our health habits And change them.
Give up smoking It is essential and both partners should do so. The woman will quit tobacco more easily if her partner does too, in addition to the fact that men's semen is affected and that being a passive smoker also has risks. In addition, when the child arrives, he should not live in a house with smoke, or smell the tobacco on his parents' clothes or breath.
In addition, tobacco is related to many problems in pregnancy and disorders in the child. Nor should he sleep in the room with a smoker even if he only does so on the terrace. Therefore, first priority, quit tobacco before pregnancy.
Alcohol is another toxic that both partners must leave to improve their fertility and, especially in the case of the mother, to avoid harm to the fetus.
Losing weight if someone is obese, improving nutrition and exercising regularly would be other tasks that both parents would have to set out. It is for the good of the fetus and the child that will be born, that it deserves the best possible health and an environment with healthy habits.
Emotional preparation
Necessary educate our emotions before being parents? I think so. The personal history of each one may have weighed down with negative thoughts, tendency to anger or to lose our nerves easily or to repeat mistakes that our parents made and damaged us.
We are all able to observe and see our defects. If we are not capable of this self-analysis, we can hardly educate with empathy and responsibility.
Therefore it would be necessary for all those who are going to be parents to work their emotions and their expression, to discover if they use blackmail in their relationships or if they are able to dialogue and be patient, indispensable skills for healthy parenthood that, if we do not have , we must develop before our son suffers.
In the case of people who have suffered emotional abuse, punishments, cheeks, whips and screams this work is, if possible, more important, because they will have to face that they need to develop new strategies so as not to repeat that abusive scheme with their own children.
Already, if we talk about people who suffered habitual abuse, neglect or sexual abuse in childhood, I would recommend going to a professional psychologist or therapist to help them relocate their emotional world before giving life to another being.
These would be the first general recommendations with which to begin, within our Maternity and Paternity Course, the adventure of prepare to be parents: safe decision, health habits and emotional education. But there is much more to do before taking the most important step of our life and we will see these practical issues in the next topic.
