This week we are talking in depth about infertility, infertility and the treatments and emotional processes of families. Today we are going to interview Eva María Bernal, mother of three children born thanks to the help of fertility treatments, director of the counseling service "Creating a family" and author of the book "My assisted motherhood".
You have passed a long process of assisted reproduction and have known many situations of your own and others. I would like you to tell us a little that led you to your decision to be a mother with the help of technique.
I am a mother without a partner. When the maternal instinct arrived and no longer left, I was 36 years old and could not wait any longer. From the age of 35, fertility begins to decline and I did not want to find myself older and seeing that the dream of my life could no longer be fulfilled. In this case, assisted reproduction was indispensable.
What treatments are offered to families with fertility problems?
There are many degrees of infertility and different needs.
It can range from the simplest (although not easy) that are programmed relationships, through inseminations, in vitro to donations of semen, ovules or embryos.
What can you tell me about human treatment in fertility centers?
In general, clinics are very pleasant and attentive to patients. Doctors, as in all specialties there are very empathetic and others colder, but I think it has a lot to do with trying to maintain a protective emotional distance for everyone.
People who attend an assisted reproduction treatment already have a hard emotional process to assimilate, what preparation would you advise them before starting?
Accept that this is the way to reach their children, that for them there is no other. Never forget how fortunate we are today with assisted reproduction techniques because forty years ago by a simple cervix too closed people were left without children. Today with a simple insemination would be solved. In infertility there are many mixed emotions, is there a duel for children who could not have or those who could not have naturally? I don't think there is much, but it is something that should be done. The reality is that when one enters the process, it only pulls forward, pulls, pulls and does not stop much to process. It would be great, but sometimes, you don't have that time.
When to go to a psychologist or counselor?
My opinion is that from the beginning. The accompaniment will make the road much more bearable, it will guide, it will sustain. It is something to hold on to. You will be able to speak because as I told you before in this world we do not stop to feel why it is so hard ... and you need to always be there. It is strenuous.
When pregnancy is achieved, is there more fear of losing it?
Unfortunately yes. You live all the treatments between the illusion, the fear and the hope, it has cost you so much to achieve that pregnancy that there is panic to lose it and to not be able to have the opportunity to have a child again.
Everyone feels an abortion, but someone with fertility problems also fears that another pregnancy will not occur.
And if there have been losses, where to get strength to try again?
Not everyone draws strength. Some women, as in natural reproduction remain in abortion and fail to continue, but most draw strength from that feeling that is attached to you and does not release you. When a woman wants to have a child there is nothing to stop her. Maybe you should do a little more grief because especially if you do not get a new pregnancy soon, that pain ends up coming out that year or in three in the form of anxiety or sadness.
When donating eggs or embryos, what goes through the mother's head before making that decision?
I think it depends a lot on whether it is a process that ends up leading to it or you are 32 years old and an early menopause. It also happens that with these ideas that we are believing that you can have children normally with more than forty years, there are women who are stunned when they are told that their eggs are no longer useful because they feel healthy and young ... The important thing is to duel, meditate well, not run. Once you have opted for the donation, the rush is over and it is very important to have grieved for the children of your genes that you will no longer have. My opinion is that if it becomes an unresolved conflict, it can affect your relationship with children.
I know that yes, it is worth it, but do you tell us your feelings to remember your long road?
Sincerely? Luckily, memory is selective, because I am afraid to remember everything I went through. Thanks to this I have my three children, but it was so, so hard that only the one inside can know what I mean.
We thank Eva María Bernal is interviewing about their experience and experience with fertility treatments and we hope that it has helped you to understand everything that surrounds the families that live this process. We will continue this week talking about infertility and sterility.
