I think "behave yourself", followed by "be good" top the top ten of the phrases most used by parents. But have you stopped to think what they mean to them? I already answer it: nothing.
But, Why does “behave well” not serve to educate children? Basically because a child does not know what it is to behave well or how to be good if we don't show it. And if you ask, it is surely different from the idea that adults have about behaving or being good. We are the parents in charge of marking the way with concrete limits that they can understand, not with subjective orders.
The famous limits are fundamental in the education of children. They are not enemies of parenting, on the contrary, they need them to grow and develop in a healthy way. Not as an authoritative form, but as a guide. Parents, who know our children better than anyone and love them unconditionally, are the ones who set those limits, always from empathy and respect.
As I said before, "behave yourself" is so subjective that even if we repeat it all day the child will not know how to act and most likely, not knowing what we intend to tell him, I ended up behaving badly. But not for facing or testing ourselves, simply because he does not know how to behave in that particular situation.
Alternatives to “behave well”
The key is to offer an alternative to “behave well”. A specific explanation adapted to each situation.
Let's give an example: This afternoon we are going to visit Aunt Grandma, who we know is very nervous if the child touches the glass ornaments. It is not enough that before crossing the door of his house we say to the child "Be good".
Because for a child of two, three or four years, looking at the decorations of Aunt Grandmother is not bad, exploring in childhood is part of his nature, he is learning. In addition the ornaments are so colorful and have such beautiful shapes (there are vases, little animals, bells, teaspoons, etc.) that you can't stand the urge to touch them. Nor do you need to remove the ornaments, it is preferable to teach him not to touch them.
How to do it? "Be good" is very broad, we have to be concrete. Explain that the ornaments are very special to her, that she appreciates them very much and would be very sad if one breaks. Therefore, you can look at them or we can show them to you, but please ask them not to touch them.
Thus there are thousands of examples. How can you know that you have to shake hands to cross the street? We must tell him and explain why. "Be good" is not the same as "you have to shake my hand because it is very dangerous that you cross alone, you can run over a car."
We have to teach the child to have appropriate behaviors according to the situation he is in. Give alternatives, explain what they cannot do and mark what they can do.
On the other hand, if the child does not do what we have asked, we must not say "you are wrong" or "you are bad." What must be rejected is the behavior and not the child.
