Adolescence is a stage full of many changes and challenges for all. Starting with the adolescent himself, who is going through a transformative stage in which he begins to define his identity, to the rest of the family, who must accompany him in the best possible way during his adolescence.
Although parents continue to be their guides and responsible, during this stage there are many things that will change according to their evolution and there are some that we should be careful to avoid. We share you 13 things you should not do if you are the father or mother of a teenager.
Make negative comments about your body
Adolescence is a stage full of great physical and psychological changes. Teenagers now They find themselves discovering themselves and trying to understand the transformation what they are going through A topic that can be difficult for them is the physical changes that occur at this stage.
In Babies and moreOur teenagers are discovering who they are: how to help them overcome their insecuritiesThus, we should avoid making any negative comments about your body, since this is a complicated stage because of all the physical changes you are experiencing. Remember that during adolescence, it is when eating disorders can begin to appear, so it is important to take care of how we express ourselves about your image.
Require them more than appropriate
Teenagers are no longer children, but that It does not mean that we should treat them as adults and demand more than their capabilities can. It is true that as parents we must ensure that they continue to improve and have a good social and academic performance, but we must keep in mind that at this stage there are many things that were not so important before.
From getting good grades, looking good and socially fitting, our teenagers begin to feel that pressure to try to reach everything. Let's do our best to motivate them to do things well and meet their goals, but being careful not to demand more than appropriate.
Treat them condescendingly
"I know what is best for you", "I have chosen this because it suits you / it looks better", "I do it, that you still don't know about those things", are some condescending phrases that we can say to our children, often without bad intention. It is true, we are adults and surely we know more than them, but say phrases like these You can undermine our relationship with them by minimizing their decision and / or action capabilities simply because they are minors.
Do not listen to them or interrupt them when they are talking to us
It is true that during adolescence the relationship between parents and children changes, and it is common for them to ask for more space, begin to be more reserved and want greater independence. However, there will still be times when you want to share something and as parents we must always be willing to listen to them.
It doesn't matter if it's something serious or something that seems absurd to us. For them, it is important and they have chosen to share it with us.. Let's listen to them without interrupting or ignoring them and let's always make it clear that they have a safe and trustworthy space in us.
Question or force them to tell us their things
On this same issue, there is another thing we should avoid: force them to tell us their things or try to interrogate them. For some parents it can take a little work to understand that they now ask for more privacy, but we must understand that they need this space.
What we can do is continue to foster a close bond with them based on respect and love, so that they feel confident and confident to come to us to consult important topics or tell us the things that interest them.
Avoid talking about sexuality with them
Having "the conversation" can be disturbing or embarrassing for some parents, but We don't need to do it as shown in the movies: nervous (or too serious) parents who ask the child to sit down and talk about something very important now that he has reached a certain age.
Talking about sexuality with our children is something we should do in the most natural way possible, and not only during a conversation in which we saturate them with information and advice, but gradually since they are young and teach them more about this subject as they grow and develop.
In Babies and more Do you fear the arrival of “the conversation” of sex with your teenage son? Calm down, you don't have to have it as you thinkDuring adolescence, it is when it is most important and necessary to talk with them about sexuality, and not because they can already have a pregnancy, but because doing so will help them avoid risky sexual behaviors (such as unprotected sex) and will favor a positive and responsible attitude towards sex.
Mock or laugh at your interests
That if you dress in a way, that if you start listening to other music, and so on. Adolescence is an experimental stage in which young people define their tastes, so it is normal to begin to be interested in other things, such as clothes or singers that are fashionable.
Admit it, sometimes those new tastes or interests may seem ridiculous, but that does not mean that we have the right to make fun of or laugh at them. As long as it is safe, let them have this experimentation in which they gradually define who they are.
Make comparisons
"At your age I already ... ", "Why are you not like ..."It's never good to compare your child with someone else, or make him feel that you were more proud if he were like someone else. But especially during adolescence, make comparisons, it will only cause you to feel that there is something wrong with him or her, feeding the insecurities that usually appear at this stage.
If what you are looking for is to help him improve, the only person with whom you should compare him is with himself, because he will have enough with the pressures and changes of this stage, which will make him begin to compare himself with others. Best, support him in a kind and respectful way, reaffirming everything positive in him.
Criticize your friends or relationships
Because of all the physical changes they are experiencing, during adolescence friends begin to take on greater importance by living the same as them, so parents begin to move to the background.
True, we must be attentive to the kind of people they relate to, but We should not criticize them only for the fact that they do not please us because this will cause just the opposite effect to what we want: they will cling more to them. Ideally, educate them so that they know how to intelligently choose their relationships and friendships.
In Babies and more "We have to place ourselves behind our teenage children to help them take off," we talked with Josep López RomeroGive them complete freedom
Now, the fact that they no longer need us as much as before and start the path to adult life by starting to take their own path, It does not mean that we should leave them to their good luck and allow them to do what they want.
We continue to be responsible for them at this stage where there are still many doubts and also, It is when they are most vulnerable to certain risk behaviors for their health, such as drugs, alcohol, tobacco or unprotected sex.
Teach them bad habits
Of course, as parents we will never seek to harm our children, however, this goes hand in hand with the previous point. Adolescence It is an experimental stage where you will discover many things about the world around you and also, it is a stage in which they begin to define the person they are. They will probably have their first approach with alcohol, something that many parents prefer to teach themselves at home.
And although it is good to talk about these things before they know them for someone else, it is important to make clear the consequences of consuming it. Be careful not to fall into the error that you can acquire bad habits, thinking that because we drink occasionally, it means that it is something that does not matter or should be taken lightly.
Invade your privacy
Currently it is common that when they reach adolescence, many young people have a mobile or tablet for personal use. Of course, as parents we must do everything possible to continue taking care of the type of content to which they have access, especially at this stage in which they are just beginning to mature psychologically.
But we must also understand, that at this stage they begin to need more privacy and have the right to privacy. Reading their messages secretly or spying on what they do is not only violating their privacy, but betraying their trust in us and hurting our relationship.
What we must do is look strengthen our bond with them, through clear and open communication, addressing each other with respect. Of course, if we suspect that he is suffering from bullying or being harassed by someone else, then we should take action on the matter.
In Babies and more Read or not read our children's mobile messages? Treat them as if they no longer need us
This is a stage in which they stop being children and begin to form their own path. The relationship with parents evolves to a less attached, but the fact that they already come to us as well as when they were little, does not mean they do not need us.
In fact, during adolescence it is when they need us most, and although they may appear to want to be alone, they still want us to accompany them, although not as closely as in childhood, but at a distance.
Adolescence can be a complicated or challenging stage for the whole family, however, there are ways to take it better, so we hope that these tips about things you should not do if you are a teenager’s father or mother Help them maintain a respectful and trustful relationship.
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