Six years ago I explained a story that moved me. A woman had given birth to a girl who did not survive and in the hospital they did the usual, sleeping the mother, taking the baby without life and waking up to explain that the baby was gone and that everything had already happened. I told you because a mother refused to see her and expressly asked to spend a few minutes with his dead 23-week-old baby.
It seems that we are so afraid of death that we want to protect ourselves from it and also protect others. When there is an abortion, telling the mother that she is young, that she can have more, than "better now than later", that if it has happened "is that she did not have to be born", instead of assuming that it is a great loss and offer support and talk about it openly.
That is why this is news that I explain today, of a couple who hired a photographer to have a photo shoot with their daughter, who was born lifeless.
It's news when it shouldn't be
It is news, yes, because it generates controversy, because there are people who remain anchored in the "eyes that do not see, heart that does not feel" and who may not understand that some parents have done this.
But the death is part of life. Every day people die and it is something we should not turn our backs on. It is a painful thing, but it is a reality that we cannot modify. What changes by denying it? Because if these parents had opted for "we don't want to see her", the girl would have been born dead anyway. Nothing would have changed for the girl, but for the parents. Why not say goodbye to her? Why not see her? Why not give her a name, dress her, kiss her, take pictures with her and say goodbye, knowing that with those images they will remember her forever? Can't death have a pretty goodbye?
It was only a few minutes, or a few hours. They had just met, it's true, but it doesn't hurt less. No, because outside the belly were minutes and hours, but within the belly were weeks and months, and before conception, perhaps more weeks and months wanting to get pregnant. And it's not just life together, it's that life that parents had already imagined with their baby, all the expectations created, the name they chose, the space they would occupy at home, the moments they would share together, etc. All that deserves a farewell. A nice goodbye. Look at the baby, meet him and tell him how much they would love him.
The couple in the photo
It happened in California. The mother, Emily Staley, was 30 weeks pregnant when she noticed that the baby was not moving. An ultrasound revealed that the girl's heart had stopped beating and that the umbilical cord wrapped around the neck seemed to be the cause.
By caesarean section the girl was born, already lifeless, and the parents decided that they still needed to do something before saying goodbye to her. They hired the services of photographer Lindsey Villatoro and did a photo shoot with the girl to always remember that moment.
