Classes have already begun, and these days I have been hearing many families say that their children explode in tantrums when picking them up from school, or acting in a rebel manner when they arrive home: "I leave him calm and happy at school, but in the afternoon at home it explodes like a volcano" - parents usually say.
We would be faced with what experts call "emotional collapse", a type of totally normal and frequent childhood behavior. We have spoken with Valentina Ganem, child psychologist expert in respectful and founding parenting and director of the Grow Together with Art school, who has helped us understand why our children act like this and what can we do to help them.
They remain "content" at school and explode when they get home
Paula is four years old and is in second year of Early Childhood Education. Her parents say she likes going to school very much, and that she never cries or is dissatisfied when she is left in class. However, picking her up in the afternoon Paula looks like another. He explodes in tantrums for anything and seems angry at everyone: what is happening to him?
"The return to school is a change of routines, and although we see our children well and think they are very happy when we leave them in line, it is important to remember that every process requires adaptation. And if adults have a hard time returning to work after summer vacations, why shouldn't the same thing happen to children? " - explains the child psychologist.
"Throughout the day, children can accumulate a lot of feelings that because of an immaturity issue, fail to know how to express in words. Maybe at some point they miss us, they don't like their teacher, they got angry with a little friend, are sad for some reason, feel bad, be stressed ... Managing all those emotions without a close attachment figure is difficult and exhausting ".
"Therefore, all those feelings explode when they get home, which is his refuge; the place where they feel safe and confident, and where they should not appear anything or keep the forms. "
"Let us think that, as a matter of innate survival, many children prefer to go unnoticed at school, and not cry or express their frustration. But this containment must go somewhere, and it does when they finally feel confident: in their home . "Experts catalog this situation as "emotional collapse after school", and ensure that it is a completely normal and common process. In some children it is presented in the form of tantrums or non-compliance with norms, while others may manifest it with mutism for a while after leaving class, or a certain regression with especially childish compositions for their age.
At what ages do these types of situations occur?
To start the report we have put the example of Paula, a four-year-old girl. However, these types of situations can occur before that age, and even in older children.
"These types of behaviors are not specific to a certain age because, in general, lack of emotional education in children. Adults do not give importance to their emotions and feelings, and when they want to express something to us, sometimes we fall into the error of ignoring it or downplaying it. Over time, as the child grows, matures and acquires a greater capacity for emotional recovery, these behaviors will disappear. ".
"In the stage of the two or three years it is very frequent to find it, because to the adaptation to the nursery school there are many other changes of this age that can intensify their reactions".
"But in general, this emotional containment is usually seen throughout childhood, both at the beginning of the course and at the end, where the fatigue of children begins to become apparent. It is also common to find it at each change of trimester, after the return of the holidays and the beginning of the routine "."Many times, even adults themselves also explode in a similar way as children do. We have been contained in our work, enduring situations that have been able to tear our nerves or even frustrate, and when we get home we end up paying them with those who are least to blame: our family " - Valentina reflects.
What can we parents do?
In this type of situation it's easy for parents to feel overwhelmed and confused. Sometimes we may even doubt whether we have done or said something that caused the tantrum, and we do not know how to act.
Valentina gives us the following keys to satisfactorily help our children:
- Understand you to connect with him
"It is important not fall into a power struggle with our son, as well as knowing that we are not doing anything wrong as parents and that everything is due to a topic of brain maturation. Our son is not able to verbally explain what is happening to him, or everything he has felt after the long school day. Getting up to it and understanding them is essential to help them overcome these hard times. ".
- Accompany you in your feeling. Never ignore him
"Parents we must allow our children to feel and express it as they can, but at the same time we must make them see that we are by their side, and that we understand them. We can tell you, for example: Honey, I understand perfectly that you are angry because we have risen very early, and getting up early tired and angry "
"In other cases, maybe there is no tiredness but hyperactivity precisely because of the opposite: the child has been so content and controlled in school that when they leave they only seek to play, run and jump. Each family should find out the cause, and try to solve it as possible "
- The stories, a great resource
The psychologist recommends us to help us with stories, as they are an excellent resource to find out what may be happening to our son, and give us the opportunity to start a conversation with them.
"The tales They are wonderful at any age because children identify very well with their protagonists. That helps them understand their own emotions, to bring them afloat and even to relive past situations and find a way to deal with them if they come back. ".
"Likewise, if we detect through your non-verbal communication that adaptation to school or nursery school is not going as well as we believe, we can help you with other personalized resources. We must be aware that adaptation can sometimes involve a process. of mourning (they have lost all the free time they had on vacation) and must adapt to the new reality. "
- Search custom solutions
Once the emotion is identified, and always from the accompaniment, parents should try to find solutions That help our children to better manage the situation.
In some cases, extracurricular activities or sports may work, where the child releases energy and helps balance body and mind. But in others, it may be better to rest, practice yoga or perform relaxation exercises. Talking, accompanying or leaving space if they need it, are also resources that can help parents.
Adapting back to routines and school takes time, and although everything is part of a natural and normal process, it is convenient to consult with the pediatrician or a child therapist if our children's behavior worsens or we fail to find a solution. And meanwhile: patience, understanding and accompaniment.
Photos | iStock
Acknowledgments | Valentina Ganem, director of Grow Together with Art
