Waiting for the arrival of a baby a priori may seem a stage of full enthusiasm and harmony as a couple, but ... but for many it is rather a time of discussions and conflicts. Why do we argue during the pregnancy? What can we do to resolve these conflicts?
Why do couples discuss during pregnancy?
Sexual intercourse reduction
During pregnancy there are women who manifest a decrease in sexual desire ... but their partner keeps it intact, which can lead them, if not managed well, to conflict. But eye, that there are also many, many, women for whom it is the opposite: they have more desire than usual and it is their partner who has certain qualms to practice sex. And of course there are cases in which both are great with their levels of desire and there is no conflict.
If we find a uneven desire level The first thing to do is to start from empathy and understanding: let us understand that the other has more or less desire than we do, and that he is in full right (more would be missing).
Now, sexologists and couple therapists know that the healthiest thing for the couple to maintain their privacy and enjoy themselves (which provides a phenomenal well-being for both of them) is not to interrupt sexuality ... How do we do it?
Both in pregnancy (if we have a low desire, discomfort, discomfort, etc.) and in the quarantine, the ideal is not to lose intimacy, to continue having a space for both of us in which touch and physique are present ... The key is that we may have to consider certain changes in our sexuality model. I explain:
Not everything is intercourse, much less, so at this stage we can "intimate" otherwise, through massages, caresses, showers together ... What we want is to love each other and enjoy our bodies, and this way we may find a point where we are both comfortable.
She has changed…
Pregnancy is a beautiful stage, and the ideal is to enjoy it, but ... but we have to be aware that not everything in it is happiness and well-being: often pregnant women go through moments of true "torturita" that undoubtedly affect how we We feel and how we act.
Nausea, vomiting, dizziness, difficulty sleeping and resting, hormones ... how can we not notice when we are downright wrong? No, not all women go through pregnancy in the same way, and it is important that we take it into account when facing it, starting with the other part of the couple. Understanding, support, accompaniment and help they are keys both to avoid conflicts and to avoid other undesirable things such as Perinatal Depression.
For our part, that of pregnant women, it is important that let's communicate our needs: expressing our emotions and sharing them is key to not accumulate and explode one day (not in the best way, too).
What to buy and what not (money)
What do we buy and what not? What is necessary and what is not? The disagreement on this point is often a cause of conflict in many of the couples, but it is still an extension of a conflict that may already be present in our relationship: the organization and economic planning of the couple.
Take paper and pencil and write down what everyone considers important for the arrival of the baby. Share your lists, without judging or criticizing, and try to make a joint consensus list. And hey, for giving in some things if your partner has a special illusion or if he really doesn't see it necessary… well, it's not too bad, don't you think?
On the other hand, since there is going to be a significant part of the expense after the baby arrives, it may also be a good idea to sit down savings or calculation plan of some kind so that, when the time comes, you are prepared to face whatever comes without a conflict.
The family ... meddles
If for many couples the family (direct and political) is a reason for rubbing, when we get "pregnant" a new dimension opens up, because they are going to ask, give their opinion and "be there" in a more intense way (they are going to be grandparents or uncles, and it feels part, as is logical).
What can we do so that the couple does not affect us? Be a team. Yes, I am very heavy with this point, but it is the key. Sit both and make the most important decisions, discuss in private what you have to discuss, but in front of the family you have to be one, a block, a unit.
When there is a conflict with the political family, the position of both members of the couple is complicated: for one because it is not their family and it is difficult to say or do certain things, and the other because being a couple and family ... is in a position “ visagra ”. So in order not to succumb, to avoid discomforts that can undermine our well-being as a couple, it is best, I insist, to support each other and be a couple in the family.
The real responsible for the conflicts
In most cases what is in the background, the real responsible for these conflicts, It is a bad (ineffective) communication: how we tell ourselves what we say, how we argue when we disagree ...
Why disagreements there will always be, and with the arrival of a baby, new and unexpected ones will appear, as we have seen: we cannot pretend to avoid them, we cannot live isolated from the events that can cause discussions ... What we can do is learn to communicate effectively to reach agreements that satisfy both parties.
Remember: let's change the chip of "I have to be right" to "we are a team" and you will see how everything is easier, after all, sure, sure, what you both want is to be well, right?
In Babies and more: Seven guidelines to make your partner's pregnancy (and life) much easier