I always wanted to have three or four children, and that between them they will take two years apart. That's how I am; planner to extremes. But if something has taught me motherhood - among many other lessons - it is precisely not to plan, because sometimes things are not as easy as we imagined, and we must let them take their course.
Between my first son and my second daughter there are almost five years of difference, and between the first and third there are six. In no case, these age differences were planned or sought, but today I am tremendously happy with it and with the advantages they bring us every day. I share my experience about it!
Only child for four and a half years
I have always said that one of the main advantages that my oldest son has had with respect to his brothers is the exclusive time that we could enjoy for four and a half years.
A wonderful time to be next to each other, to live it intensely and to learn together. My oldest son was my first and main teacher on the path of motherhood, and all I already knew when his brothers arrived was thanks to him.I really think that if that exclusive time had been shorter, I would not have been able to enjoy or learn from him in his first years of life as much as I did.
A relaxed pregnancy for me
I never planned that there would be such a big age difference between my oldest son and his second sister. In fact, I got pregnant with my second baby when my child was his first birthday, but unfortunately that pregnancy did not succeed. After that first abortion, two more arrived, and logically the wish that the brothers would take a short time faded away.
I got pregnant with my girl a few months before my oldest turned four, and given the medical circumstances of that risk pregnancy, I must say that I deeply appreciated having a child of a certain age.
My son was already perfectly adapted to school, he was not wearing diapers, he was quite independent in the game and very autonomous in his day to day, so that allowed me to live a fairly relaxed pregnancy and even have time to take care of me and pamper myself.
A conscious pregnancy for him
He too he lived those months in a very special way. So much so that even today, five years later, he keeps remembering it. All his eagerness was to help me, pamper me and take care of his little sister from the outside: he spoke her, stroked my gut, slept on her and got excited about the baby's kicks.
It was a magical and wonderful stage that also gave rise to numerous conversations related to the origin of babies, the development in the womb or the form of birth.See this post on InstagramA shared publication of Maternity ✨Silvia (@silviadj) on May 9, 2018 at 7:43 p.m. PDT
The situation was repeated with my third pregnancy, where again my oldest son became a great support. For him it was a tremendous gift to be able to enjoy his brothers practically from the moment we learned of his arrival, and do it in such a mature and conscious way.
The older brother's maturity
When my second daughter was born, my oldest was already very aware of the situation and had been waiting for the moment with enthusiasm and full knowledge for some time. I think maybe that's why everything was tremendously simple: there were no burdens on my part, nor jealousy for the arrival of the new brother. Everything flowed very comfortably and naturally.
He quickly established a very special bond with his sister, and became my best helper at bath time, lunch or walk. I boasted of her wherever I went, and as I grew up, my daughter only had eyes for him.
See this post on InstagramA shared publication of Maternity ✨Silvia (@silviadj) on 25 Apr, 2018 at 11:41 PDT
When I got pregnant with my third child, the story was repeated exactly the same, except that my oldest was already six years old when his brother was born and that gave him even greater maturity.
Exception witness
Often, we remember as a family episodes and experiences of the stage of babies of our children, and it is really fascinating to hear my oldest son talk, excited, about the first steps of his brothers, what he felt the first day he accompanied his little sister to school, or the memories of his first night of Kings with them.
Due to their age, all these experiences are very clearly and consciously present. And it is being a exceptional witness of all the evolutionary stages and learning milestones that his little brothers are going through.
A teacher for them
For my two little ones, his older brother is a teacher to follow unconditionally and who to always look at. Not surprisingly, one of the first words they learned to say was his name, and everything he does is imitated by the little ones.
See this post on InstagramA shared publication of Maternity ✨Silvia (@silviadj) on Oct 30, 2018 at 8:26 p.m. PDT
For a mother, it is precious to witness the adoration that the little ones feel towards their older brother, their way of looking at him, venerating him and respecting everything he says or does.
He loves them, takes care of them, protects them and he loves being his teacher. I often surprise him by telling them stories, sharing with them experiences of the school, reflections of his day, or explaining something surprising that the little ones listen with their eyes like dishes.
But be careful! He must not be your caretaker
As I said before, one of the main advantages that I find to the fact that there is a big age difference between the brothers is that the older one can get involved in the routines and care of the little ones. But always with measure and without obligation.
And in my opinion, we can fall into the error of believing that the older brother is older than he really is, and charge you with certain responsibilities that do not apply to you.
In this sense, I try to be quite aware of reality and to see my oldest son as what he is: an eight year old boy. But I confess that at some point I have fallen into the error of asking him to "keep an eye on his brothers" while answering a call or taking a quick shower, for example. Y that shouldn't be your job.
See this post on InstagramA shared publication of Maternity ✨Silvia (@silviadj) on Dec 10, 2018 at 12:06 PST
Logically Each family is unique and manages this point as it considers, besides that nobody knows their children better than oneself. But personally I believe that, even in the case of mature and responsible children, we must not forget that they are only children.
In my opinion, I think it is wonderful for the elderly to be involved in the care of the little ones, as long as they leave them and do not feel forced or obliged to show anything to others.
Few interests in common
Another of the disadvantages that I find to the fact that there is a big age difference between brothers is how difficult it is sometimes find activities that please both the little ones and the older. And it is that a plan as simple as going to family cinema, for example, can become hours of intense debate about which movie to watch.
Luckily, at the moment my oldest son is quite conformist and adapts well to more childish plans that prevail on most occasions. And although I know that many times he would rather be playing football with his friends, or enjoying a Star Wars movie, he does not hesitate to share a time with his little brothers in a ball park, or to watch the Frozen movie for the thirtieth time .
See this post on InstagramA shared publication of Maternity ✨Silvia (@silviadj) on Apr 22, 2019 at 9:49 p.m. PDT
Still, I've always thought that A brother is much more than a simple playmate. I know that the fun moments between the three will be less and less. I also know that as my oldest son turns years, he will distance himself from his brothers in terms of interests and hobbies.
But the really important thing is not to have someone with whom to share a specific moment of games, but to grow next to a person who lives the same as you, who understands you, who supports you and who will be your main pillar for the rest of your lifetime.Photos | Silvia Diaz
