This year we have been looking at several schools and in all of them, when a mother asked what was the way to act if two twin brothers enrolled, they commented that they chose to separate the brothers so that each one grows separately without depending on the other.
The argument sounds convincing and seems to be that it really is what is usually done in most schools, however it should be borne in mind that the relationship between two twin brothers is quite extraordinary (understanding extraordinary as different from the relationship that two may have siblings of different ages) and sometimes separating them can be a bad solution.
Twin brothers are born together and grow together, achieving milestones practically on a par and maintaining a peer-to-peer relationship (never better said) that often creates security for both of them. Time to enter at school It is a change for all children, whether they have been in the nursery or not, and any change generates anxiety and requires a more or less long adaptation process according to the emotional needs of each child.
If for many children the start of school is hard, because it means a separation with their parents, for twins, if they are separated, the problem can be twofold, because in addition to losing the support of their mother or father they lose their (normally) inseparable brother.
Remember that they enter the school with three years, when many are still just knowing themselves and beginning to discover that there are other three-year-olds with the same or similar concerns and needs. In other words, they are emotionally very "green" and the ideal is that the changes are gradual and not very traumatic.
There may be situations, however, in which one overly dominates the other or the other depends too much on the brother. In these situations it is best to perform a joint assessment with teachers to see the pros and cons of keeping them together and deciding what seems most convenient.
Later, when changing to primary, the situation is quite different and in many cases they can separate without problems. However, each case should be studied individually, as many twins have different groups of friends (or not) and being together does not cause them any limitations or problems of adaptation with the other children.
If instead the two brothers often discuss, annoy or rival each other or if there is still a relationship of dependence on one of the brothers, separating them can be the solution for each one to feel they have their place and their individual space to grow as a person.
